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TRAILER FOR NEW ‘UNDERWORLD’ MOVIE ARRIVES, INTERNET SHRUGS

I thought I had my finger on the pulse of all things geek, but I must be slipping in my old age, because I had completely forgotten that the producers of the Underworld films insist on to churning out sequels to this franchise that absolutely no one gives a shit about. I mean, seriously, can someone please explain to me how Resident Evil and Underworld films still get financed? Who the Hell is going to these movies?  The trailer for the latest installment, Underworld: Awakening hit the Internet today, and it looks as terrible as you would expect. Everything looks cheap and the acting is laughable, but sweet Christmas, Kate Beckinsale still looks loin-throbbingly hot in that slinky black leather getup. Underworld: Awakening opens on January 20th, 2012 in *groan* 3D.

 

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FRIDAY NEWS-O-RAMA

All right boys and girls, time to make like a tree and get outta here for the weekend. Enjoy these fun and festive Friday news links after the jump. Read the rest of this entry

TWI-TARDS CREAM THEIR PANTS OVER PICTURE OF ARM

Twilight fans are complete morons. Aside from believing that Stephenie Myers’ poorly written, juvenile fantasy-fulfillment bullshit is good literature, they also will completely lose their shit and start screaming like banshees at the slightest shred of news from their beloved franchise. Case in point, the above picture of someone’s arm with a few feathers floating around it has inflamed the loins of millions of desperate soccer Moms and insecure teenagers around the world today.

Research has led to me understand that what you are looking at here is the first official image from Chapter 1 of Breaking Dawn, the final film in the Twilight saga. Apparently, it’s Bella’s arm after twinkly boy Edward literally almost kills her during a night of epic sex that sends her head through the headboard and shatters her pelvis. Wow. Better shine them Oscars up, Academy. Breaking Dawn’s a-comin’!

WHEDON-LESS “BUFFY” IS HAPPENING

Warner Brothers and Atlas Entertainment announced plans today to remake the original 1992 Buffy The Vampire Slayer film. The producers of the reboot say they have come up with “An exciting idea on how to update Buffy” (translation: we’re gonna make it like Twilight!), and will not feature the character in her high-school cheerleading days.

You know, Some creations are intrinsically tied to their creators, and Buffy is certainly one of them. In fact, I can’t really think of another character, or group of characters, that owe so much of what makes them special to one writer. Joss Whedon embodies the voice, tone, and spirit of the Buffy-verse. Without him, it’s just some girl running around stabbing vampires.

Credit: io9

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