Blog Archives

FOCK YOU, AMERICA

The Coen brothers are genius auteurs who have made masterpieces for over 25 years, and their latest, True Grit, entertained audiences to the tune of $24.5 million this weekend. So naturally, because the majority of American movie-goers are mouth-breathing ass-tards, the film placed second to that monumentally stupid and artless piece of shit, Little Fockers. Honestly, I don’t even understand how any human being with a shred of dignity or taste can even say Little Fockers to a ticket collector without dying a little inside. Congratulations, morons.

Here are your top 3 films at the box-office for the weekend of Dec. 31 – Jan. 2

1.) Little Fockers – $26.3 million

2.) True Grit – $24.5 million

3.) Tron Legacy – $18.3 million

Complete weekend chart can be found at Box Office Mojo.

Advertisements

THE CARTER’S TOP TEN WORST FILMS OF 2010

When I was compiling this list, it was truly disturbing to look back at just how many awful, stinky, shit-bombs there were polluting multi-plexes in 2010. This list covers only the ten worst that I actually saw, so don’t expect to see any Twilight pictures, Fockers, or Marmaduke here, because I’d rather slide naked down a razor-banister than pay money to see any of those epic turds. That having been said, here are my TOP TEN WORST FILMS of 2010!

Read the rest of this entry

“YOUR HIGHNESS” = BEST MOVIE EVER

OH. MY. GOD. It’s rare when I come across a film that immediately looks like one I’ll buy on DVD the day it hits, watch it with friends at least once a month, and endlessly quote dialogue from, but Your Highness is one of them. Written by Danny MacBride and directed by his Eastbound & Down partner in crime David Gordon Green, this flick looks like a completely insane stoner version of The Princess Bride, or Lord of the Rings meets The Pineapple Express.

Your Highness looks like it has it all: Creepy wizards shooting lightning, epic quests, swords and armor, multi-headed dragons, pot-smoking Yoda-like creatures, and Natalie Portman looking drop dead amazing in nothing but a thong. All this, plus the super-dreamy Zooey Deschanel sporting massive cleavage in a medieval corset. Incredible. I’m stunned that a Hollywood studio greenlighted a movie like this, but I’m so glad they did because it looks like a boatload of fun. Look for it in theaters on April 8, 2011.

Ed. Note – This is the R-Rated red band trailer, if you want to see the wussy safe trailer click here.

SAM WORTHINGTON ADMITS HE SUCKS

Most moviegoers with slightly average intelligence (i.e, those who avoided Yogi Bear this weekend) know Sam Worthington is a terrible actor, and that the Clash of the Titans remake he was in sucked. Now Worthington himself has admitted these truths in a Moviefone interview:

Read the rest of this entry

%d bloggers like this: