TOP TEN GREATEST BULLIES FROM 80’S MOVIES

The movie universe of the 1980’s was a dangerous place to be if you were even the slightest bit different. If you were poor, artistic, creative, intelligent, sensitive, weighed less than 175 lbs., or wore anything besides letterman jackets and acid washed jeans, you immediately became the target of ridicule and abuse from guys with mirrored sunglasses, perfectly feathered blonde hair, Lacoste polo shirts with popped collars, Porsche convertibles, and ludicrous trust funds. The bullies of 1980’s teen cinema were sadistic karate masters, intolerant rednecks, and drunk fraternity clods out to make life a living hell for innocent movie protagonists just looking to find acceptance in a new town or win a woman’s heart. Here then, is LaserCola’s  look at ten of the biggest pricks in 80’s movie history. Assholes, we salute you!

10.) Mick McAllister – Teen Wolf (1985)

Played by: Mark Arnold

We begin the list with one of the all-time great movie jerks. Mick McAllister is your prototypical 80’s antagonist, complete with chiseled looks, athletic ability, the girl of our hero’s dreams on his arm, and a relentless drive to be the biggest douchebag on Planet Earth. Mark Arnold was 28 years old during the filming of Teen Wolf, so he looked extra intimidating during his reign of terror on the basketball court for the Dragons against poor little Michael J. Fox’s Beavers. Mick’s crimes against humanity in Teen Wolf include drawing 179 brutal flagrant fouls over the course of two basketball games; repeatedly calling Scott a freak, nerd, dweeb, geek, etc.; referring to poor, sweet Boof as a “tramp”; and being allowed to stand in the lane directly under the basket to stare down an opposing player attempting two foul shots, in clear violation of the rules of basketball. Total Dick move.

9.) Chuck Cranston – Footloose (1984)

Played by:  Jim Youngs

Chuck is an especially violent example of a 1980’s movie bully. This Texas redneck jerkwad had the unmitigated gall to not only beat the living snot out of the film’s female lead Lori Singer, but he was also out to completely mess up the most perfect head of hair in movie history! Thankfully, Kevin Bacon’s Ren was able to bring back the power of dance to the town of Basin, and kick Chuck’s misogynistic ass in the process.  Let’s hear it for the boy!

8.) Teddy  Beckersted – One Crazy Summer  (1986)


Played by: Matt Mulhern

In Teddy Beckersted, director/writer Savage Steve Holland created a cartoonish parody of the standard 80’s preppie tormentor that met all the criteria and then some.  Blonde hair? Check. Filthy rich? Check. Mean? Check. Violent? Check. Hot girlfriend? Check. Gang of sycophantic asshole friends (including a particularly douchey and balding Jeremy Piven)? Check. Teddy loved doing laps in the pool, wearing sweaters tied around his neck, eating animal crackers, and beating the ever-lovin’ crap out of anyone who even so much as breathed near his Ferrari. (Apologies for the lame YouTube clip…apprently no one bothered to  upload clips of Teddy bloodying up the Stork twins or playing a sadistic game of H.O.R.S.E. using poor Ack-Ack as a human basketball hoop).

7.) Steff McKee – Pretty in Pink (1986)


Played by:  James Spader

Steff McKee broke away from traditional bully tropes in 1986. Since the protagonist in Pretty in Pink was a female, Spader couldn’t beat her up or give her an atomic wedgie in the locker room. He had to rely on classism and psychological warfare instead, using his wealth, status, and razor-sharp tongue to make Molly Ringwald and everyone around her feel like inferior pieces of shit. He also looked like a 36 year-old stockbroker hanging out in a high school parking lot. Spader deserves a ton of kudos for managing to look threatening while rocking loafers with no socks, an all-white linen suit, and a silk turquoise shirt unbuttoned to his navel.

6.) Hardy Jenns – Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)


Played by: Craig Sheffer

Another smug jerkwad in the John Hughes mold, Hardy Jenns added a physical menace to the Steff McKee template of upper-class superiority and psychological torment. This charmer had a Corvette, a  power mullet that would rival Richard Marx’s, and he treated a young, blazingly hot Lea Thompson like a prized piece of beef until Elias Koteas showed up at his parents’ house with a group of 40-year old metalheads. Soon as that happened, Jenns reverted to the meek, pampered pussy boy  he truly was.

Continue To Part 2

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About Jeff Carter

Jeff began his path towards Geek destiny at the age of four, at a drive-in screening of Star Wars. Since then, he's had a love affair with all things nerdy. In the mid to late 90's, Jeff was a staff writer for EchoStation.Com, interviewing Star Wars heavyweights like Timothy Zahn and Drew Struzan. He then went on to review films and write editorial pieces for several blogs in the mid 2000's, wrote and co-created a webcomic strip that ran from 2007-2010, and is currently co-founder of Dead Henchmen Productions, an independent film company based in New England.

Posted on August 8, 2011, in LaserCola Lists and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Who wrote this brilliant piece? Must be someone super smart and awesome! I loved the memories of my favorite bullies…who are now probably plumbers in Missouri.

  2. No Buddy Ravell from 3 O’Clock High negates this list.

    • Choppah – Buddy was indeed a great movie bully and I certainly did consider including him here, but I felt these ten were stronger. Consider Buddy #11 with a bullet!

  3. How come ACE from STAND BY ME wasnt even on here let alone number one ???

  4. How could you leave me out? I’m tougher than any of those punks. Just ask Linderman and that kid Peach.

  5. I wrote an article ranking 80’s bullies by face punchability. Steff won, he won by a long shot. http://theheartbreakhipster.blogspot.com/2012/02/eighties-bullies-rated-by-face.html

  1. Pingback: Page 2: Harry Potter, Star Trek 2, Robert De Niro, Tron: Legacy, Drive, The Lion King, Moneyball, E.T., Sherlock Holmes 2, The Wire, Clueless, Lars von Trier, Sarah Jessica Parker, Star Wars, Steve Jobs, Ghostbusters « Cinema Girl

  2. Pingback: TOP TEN GREATEST BULLIES FROM 80′S MOVIES | The Jeff Carter Blog

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