DEAR LORD, SOMEONE STOP UWE BOLL
The weekend is here boys and girls, and I can’t think of any better news to leave you with than the announcement that master auteur Uwe Boll is making a sequel to In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale! Oh but wait, it gets better! If you thought the mere idea that some bored, rich idiot out there was dumb enough to finance another steaming pile of rancid rhino shit from this bugfuck crazy German was completely nuts, just wait until you get a load of the synopsis:
“It’s like contemporary, right now big city, and we have Dolph Lundgren basically being a cop or like a fighting coordinator working as this, and one night he gets attacked by ninjas in his house and fell with the ninjas into a vortex back in time. […] And then it turns out it’s like 50 years after the first part ‘In the Name of the King’ ended, and Ehb is destroyed and everybody is dead, Jason Statham and everybody who was in the first part, got wiped out.”
Ho. Ly. Shit. This sounds absolutely mind-blowing. Dolph Lundgren as a cop battling ninjas, travelling through time, and running around in a low-rent Lord of the Rings, directed by the man who gave us Alone In The Dark, Postal, and Bloodrayne? My God, the sheer insanity of this film might crack the world in half and doom us all. Will no one put a stop to this madman? Credit: io9.