Daily Archives: November 29, 2010

TWI-TARDS CREAM THEIR PANTS OVER PICTURE OF ARM

Twilight fans are complete morons. Aside from believing that Stephenie Myers’ poorly written, juvenile fantasy-fulfillment bullshit is good literature, they also will completely lose their shit and start screaming like banshees at the slightest shred of news from their beloved franchise. Case in point, the above picture of someone’s arm with a few feathers floating around it has inflamed the loins of millions of desperate soccer Moms and insecure teenagers around the world today.

Research has led to me understand that what you are looking at here is the first official image from Chapter 1 of Breaking Dawn, the final film in the Twilight saga. Apparently, it’s Bella’s arm after twinkly boy Edward literally almost kills her during a night of epic sex that sends her head through the headboard and shatters her pelvis. Wow. Better shine them Oscars up, Academy. Breaking Dawn’s a-comin’!

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BREAKING NEWS: MICHAEL BAY IS STILL A MORON

IESB.net ran a story recently, in which several insiders close to the production on Bay’s latest Transformers shitbomb Dark of the Moon reported that there were issues with the 3-D footage. Well, it didn’t take long  for everyone’s favorite nutty director to respond: 

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EXCLUSIVE NOKIA “TRON:LEGACY” TRAILER

Nokia has provided yet  another trailer for  the upcoming Tr— OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHY ISN’T IT DECEMBER 17TH YET???

R.I.P. IRVIN KERSHNER

More sad news to report this morning as Empire Strikes Back director Irvin Kershner has died at the age of 87 in Los Angeles. Although the original Star Wars film, A New Hope, will always be my favorite, The Empire Strikes Back is probably the best film in the saga from both a technical and an emotional standpoint. George Lucas and Kershner famously clashed over the tone and pacing of the film, and it can be argued that this disagreement led to George hiring a more easily manipulated director to helm the safer and less satisfying Return of the Jedi. Kershner also directed Robocop 2, and Sean Connery’s mid 80’s return to Bond in Never Say Never Again.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE-“POTTER” ALMOST GETS “TANGLED”

For the second straight weekend, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 captured the box office crown with an estimated $50.3 million haul. However, it was almost dethroned by the latest offering from the Mouse House, as Tangled (a.k.a. Rapunzel) came just a hair short (hair, haha! get it?) of Hallows with a $49.1 million take. Dwayne “I’m not The Rock anymore” Johnson’s awful-looking revenge flick Faster was D.O.A. with a pathetic $8 million in ticket sales.

Credit: Box Office Mojo

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